That Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we consider the TV offerings of the recent year, a handful of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable failures. From awkward spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final series began, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Still, fans certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the least of this show's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The tedious veneration of affluence and consumption? The almost deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual escapades as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.